Tom's Journal
by elainefr
Summary: Tom's journal entries and thoughts on dating Jane and Daria. I do not own nor do I make money off of any of this.
1. Chapter 1

**Entry 1**

Met this cool artist chick named Jane, she's a self-proclaimed artist. Her brother is the lead singer of the band- Mystik Spiral, I think, that was playing at some remote place called the Zon that I went to out of sheer boredom. She's a real crack up; we're gonna hang and see where it goes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Entry 2**

Went out with Jane; she's heavy into the art scene and takes her stuff seriously- in a good way. She said she'd give me the honor of seeing her work when she felt I was worthy. Fingers crossed man.


	3. Chapter 3

**Entry 3**

Guess I'm a worth guy. Saw her stuff- art, that is and she's really good. The girl has a ton of talent and the confidence to back it up. She introduced me to her brother, Trent. Trent is- how do I put this delicately- he's probably a cool older brother but when Jane is a successful artist, she's probably gonna get tired of him mooching off of her until he 'makes it'. She claims to have other siblings and parents, but I've seen no evidence of this. The only other person that seems to have any significance in her life is her best friend – Daria. I thought that she was cute and probably as funny as Jane, until she opened her mouth. Never mind the clothes- female prerogative and all of that- but that attitude, what a major bitch with a capital B! She thinks that I'm trying to take Jane away from her. Maybe she's crushing on her best friend and doesn't even know it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Entry 4**

That Daria is really putting a cramp in my relationship with Jane; She's my girlfriend's best friend and for some reason she hates me. I've tried being nice, but that chick is rigid. It gets Jane in a funk and nor nearly as amorous as usual. I've got to get this chick to come around.


	5. Chapter 5

**Entry 5**

The seas have parted and angels are singing! I think that I finally got through to her. I ran into Daria while looking for Jane and we spent some real time together. She made jokes, I made jokes, and we looked after some kid. We had fun! She could really have any guy she wanted if she just let down her guard. When she does that, she'd quite lovely and venerable too. It's like you're compelled to protect her in order to preserve that undefinable thing about her. Look at me, excited that we had a decent conversation. I must really like Jane.


	6. Chapter 6

**Entry 6**

I had a dream about her last night. We were talking, just talking and it was so great. I woke up smiling. It was a dream, but it felt… nothing happened except this feeling that won't quite go away. Probably just means that I'm really relieved to be finally getting along with Daria…..for Jane's sake.


	7. Chapter 7

**Entry 7**

Careful what you wish for. I wanted us to get along- and we do, maybe too much. We spent the entire evening talking and the time just flew by. Oh- and it was at Jane's house and I was supposed to be taking Jane out on a date. I won't lie, I knew that Jane's room was in the opposite direction, but I just needed to talk to Daria for like ten minutes- at least that's what I thought.


	8. Chapter 8

**Entry 8**

I kissed her…I kissed Daria…and I- I liked it. She's Jane's best friend and I kissed her…but she kissed me back. The first time might have been a surprise, but the second time, she kissed me back. She then jumped out and ran in her house. I just sat there for a while before coming back here to write it all out. I'm gonna call her. I'm gonna call Daria.


	9. Chapter 9

**Entry 9**

Daria told Jane, no surprise there. I wish that I could have softened the blow somehow, but what would I have said to make it better for either of them. Sure Jane and I were pretty much over, but we hadn't officially broken up and even if we had…she's Daria's best friend. What kind of guy does this make me? A cheater? Why would Daria want to pursue anything with me, a cheater? Well, she did participate. Still Jane is her only friend; I care for her too much to not be concerned that this will affect her already limited social range. Look at how she treated me when she thought that I was trying to take Jane away from her. There's irony somewhere in there…I'm sure of it. Jane did kind of give me the go ahead to pursue Daria though; that speaks to her character. If it were me, I'm not so sure- no I know for a fact that I would not be nearly as magnanimous and concerned for the other persons involved. I would just wallow in my own misery and take it out on those around me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Entry 10**

Furniture? She thinks that I treat her like furniture? Not possible, I can actually 'touch' furniture whenever I want without being afraid that I'll get scolded or frozen out of her orbit. I can actually relax all the time into a 'recliner' and be my complete self, not just part time. Does she really not see it? She keeps me at arm's length until she feels it's time to offer up a modem of warmth. Perhaps I'm using the term 'warmth' too gratuitously. It's more like, if she is in need then she rations out me small portions that I feel should be given. We argued for a day about me holding her hand. Why? Should it be this hard? I think all of this as I'm getting ready to go pick her up. Hypocritical, I know, but no matter what I think now, the moment I see her, nothing else matters, cause she's worth it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Entry 11**

It's emotional blackmail or something. The way she can turn on a dime without any warning. We were having what I thought was a good time and she gets mad at me about a joke that I made. I asked her why she was so mad and she said that putting down her friends was not her idea of a good time. All I did was make a remark about Trent and the farm- a joke that we shared- and there she went. I don't get why, it was just a joke. The more that I think about it though….. She's awfully…protective of him. What did I hear Jane say one time…..? Something about Daria being a sister in law? I thought that was just Jane being Jane, but Daria always went oddly mute around him or turned red sometimes when he was in close proximity to her and whenever I entered a room that they were in, I felt as though I were interrupting something private. They seemed practically- INTIMATE! Wait a minute Tom, slow down and think don't just jump to conclusions


	12. Chapter 12

**Entry 12**

How did I miss it? I wanted to make sure that whole thing with Trent had to have been in my mind, so I suggested that we stop by the Lane household and see if they wanted to join us for pizza and a movie. She reluctantly agreed, which I chalked up to the whole Jane being my ex situation. So we get there and she asks Jane and Jane says that she's in the middle of an important project. Daria turns to leave and I turn to Trent to let him know that he is more than welcome to join us if he would like to. He looks at her and she looks absolutely miserable. Of course he says no. We go to leave and it's like – I'm stealing her away or something. They give each other this look right before shutting the door, and I swear it's like longing and apologetic at the same time! What the fuck man! She acts like she isn't even aware of it- maybe she isn't. We did end up having a good time shooting down the locals that were out that night though. It was like she was mine- almost.


	13. Chapter 13

**Entry 13**

I tried to confront her about my suspicions, but I should have known better. Now it's like she goes out of her way not to say anything to him. The whole vibe is just weird and disturbing from my perspective. I'm not sure if Jane notices- hell, I'm certain that she does, but fat chance of me asking her for help on it. I get the distinct feeling that she'd be more than willing to play match maker with those two. That's another thing, what the heck is the attraction there? I mean obviously _he_ can see past her façade and with her over there all of the time, he's had to have seen the beauty that she tries to hide, but on her behalf- she's smart and knows that he's not going anywhere except to sleep. Seriously, does she have some kind of hidden need to 'rescue' him or something? Surely she doesn't fancy him to be some misunderstood rock star to be with a heart of gold? Nah, never…she's way too smart for that. She has to see him for the narcoleptic, slacker wanna be musician that he is. Why would she or anyone wear rose colored glasses for someone going nowhere like him? I sound jealous… and of- that guy! No way! I need some space. Think I'll go to the country club this weekend to try to get myself back to some kind of normalcy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Entry 14**

I actually had fun at the club with the people that I made fun of with Daria. It was… refreshing. I laughed at Thirston's joke and yes it was nice to have Bitsy smiling and laughing at my admittedly lame jokes. Imagine that a real live girl that thought that I was cute and funny – her words. I felt like a man, for lack of a better description. Things were just easier, but then my mind always strayed back to Daria. I called her and we made plans…I hope…probably best not to even think it, let alone write it down.


	15. Chapter 15

**Entry 15**

I think my little foray back to the country club may have worked in my favor, as far as me and Daria's relationship goes. She seems to have missed me. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right? That's the only way that I can explain what happened. We had a full blown make out session. Yeah, we've kissed- and quite passionately too, but there was always an interruption or she would put the brakes on if my hands strayed too far. Not this time though. We were in my room talking about whose 'Bell Jar' would ring first and why. We were sitting on the over-sized chair by my window- her idea and a huge step by the way. She turns to me and kisses the side of my mouth. I had been trying not to look at the temptation of her lips so as not to provoke an argument, so when she did that let's just say that my whole body was at attention. Oh man she kisses like- well damn good comes to mind. After she kissed the side of my mouth, I turned my head hoping for a little full on lip action and boy did I get it. This was different and in a hell of a great way. She actually pulled me to her- like she wanted me. I couldn't really think straight and why would I want to at that point anyway? She touched me, not just my face or through the outside of my shirt, but her hands made contact with my skin! I almost lost it right then and there (how embarrassing would that have been?) but I did manage to maintain myself. She was so soft and her mouth was like hot fire searching mine for…something. I just followed her lead mostly. She ran a hand under the back of my shirt, I did the same. I didn't even pause at the bra straps that I kept grazing. She sat up and Ijust knew that she was going to stop, but no, she just took off her jacket. An orange tee shirt never looked so good to me. This time we were laying on our sides kissing and touching. It felt unbelievable. I start kissing her neck and after a few moments she pushes me back and I was like 'oh shit, screwed that up', but she started kissing and teasing my neck and her hands were like everywhere. She was practically straddling me and every time my hands brushed the sides of her bra, she's do this sharp intake of breast that was the sexiest sound that I have ever heard. I was so caught up in everything that she was doing and I was feeling, that it took me a second to realize that she'd turned slightly and I now held a bra clad breast in my hand. Luckily my hands had a mind of their own and proceeded to gently massage. She gave this low, deep moan that seemed to awake something in her. I said her name and she sat up sharply, as though she'd been startled awake. She started straightening up and put on her jacket. When turned back to me I was still semi lounging and more than a little confused, but given how far we'd come- I didn't want to lose that, so I grabbed her hand and said that it was okay. She just kept looking at me. I stood and I hugged her- or I tried to. I didn't want her to think that I was trying to coerce her. I just wanted her to know that I'm here- for her. She seemed to relax slightly. I went and got us some cool drinks and we just kind of eased back into our joking about some superficial stuff before I took her home. At the door she let me kiss her and then she looked at me with those eyes that seem to know so much. She went inside and I had the feeling that she had wanted to tell say more.


	16. Chapter 16

**Entry 16**

I overheard something…Damn that Lane household and it's looseness. I had gone by Daria's and Quinn told me that she was at her friends house. So there I was, entering the already open Lane door when I heard Jane teasing Daria. Apparently Jane had sent Daria to get something from Trent's room and Daria had come upon a slightly ajar door and Trent with some girl in there. Jane, wondering what had taken Daria so long went in search of her and found her- watching Trent and the girl do the 'dirty deed'. Jane knew that she had her dead to rights cause Daria had stayed there completely unaware that Jane was watching her and had noticed that Daria's hands had strayed from their usual position by her sides. Jane found the whole thing quite hilarious, but it left me wondering if that was why she'd been so amorous with me. Just who the hell had she been making out with? I just left. I needed to think things through. I knew that if I saw her, then I would find some way to excuse it without really coming to my own conclusions.


	17. Chapter 17

**Entry 17**

We have plans- THE PLANS for Saturday night. I was patient and understanding without jumping to any conclusions- outwardly anyway- and she finally gets it. This is a huge step forward for her- for us a couple. Not only does it make us closer, it means that she is a sure about us as I know am. It means that I was completely wrong about the farmer, thank god! It means that I'm not just Jane's ex-boyfriend that she likes to kiss sometimes; it means that she thinks of me as her boyfriend and maybe, just maybe she feels as I do- I want her to understand just how special she is to me. She is so unique and I love her- I really do.


	18. Chapter 18

**Entry 18**

She didn't come over Saturday. Not only that, she didn't call and she's not accepting my calls. She changed her mind and yeah, I'd be disappointed, but I would have dealt with it. Now she's isolated herself and made me feel like I was pressuring her. This sucks! Why is it so hard to just talk to me? She wants to write for a living, well put that writer's brain to use for us dam it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Entry 19**

Finally talked to her! We hammered out some stuff. She thought that her changing her mind meant that we broke up. I just don't get it sometimes; we're on the same page for all of two minutes before she switches gears. I wish that she'd have just called and not have assumed. It brings back all of that other stuff from before- the doubts. I sound like a whiny teenager- good thing this journal's never gonna see the light of day though.


	20. Chapter 20

**Entry 20**

I saw them- not looking at each other. That told me everything that I needed to know. Thing is, I don't think either of them are aware of it. That ore they're too scared to own up to it. Neither will ever be free of the other if they don't confront everything and deal with whatever it is. Otherwise anyone trying to get involved with either of them becomes collateral damage. I know that the clock has already started it's countdown towards our end. Then what? Knowing something doesn't prepare you for its eventuality. This is so depressing…I guess my bell jar will ring first after all.


End file.
